Not shpeakin da same ran-guage!

I sometimes wonder if I have a big, invisible (to me) sign above my head that proclaims:

"I DO NOT SPEAK MANDARIN, NOR DO I UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE."

No, seriously.

When people start talking to each other in Mandarin in a country, i.e. Scotland, where nearly everyone speaks English, one can't help but wonder if what they're talking about is not meant for you to hear.

I sometimes get the impression that these people are in fact, speaking about me. Saying things they don't want me to hear in a language I might not understand.

That I can, in fact, understand every word of Mandarin they're speaking is besides the point. I think it's just plain rude to talk about me when you're literally behind my back. At least have the courtesy to perhaps, move a little further away, or wait till I'm not around. I know I would do that.

This happened quite some time ago, but it still galls me for some reason. And now that it's off my chest, I feel so much better.

And now, to do some backstabbing (+2d6 damage!) of my own.

I should, but find it very hard to, pity these individuals I'm writing about. I have no idea how good their written English is, but the way they speak is horrendous. Harsh and crude, so uncouth and hard on the ears. It is said that the English massacre their own language. The individuals I speak of have diced it and deep-fried the remains in lard. When in Scotland, do as the Scottish do. Adopt their expressions and phrases and learn the local accent. Not only is it important that you understand them, it is very much in your favour if they can understand you as well. The fact that I cringe whenever I hear you speak goes unnoticed, but surely you feel the stares of the people who can only look on in horrified silence whenever you attempt to converse in their national language.

And you're way uglier than me too. That you won't understand half of what I've written here without your digital talking dictionary is a bonus.

I feel SO much better now.